Crime Stoppers Need Your Help ;-o

Clancy here. Sergeant Clancy.

Chief Investigator of Interpol's Crimes in Nursery Rhymes Division (CNRD).

It is the mission of CNRD to relentlessly pursue and prosecute the perpetrators of crimes against nursery rhyme characters.

Crimes in Nursery Rhymes you say?

You may not be aware of the multitude of crimes committed by and against nursery rhyme characters due to the publishing industries insistence on putting out only the "sanitized" versions of the truths in an effort to "protect" our children.

But the crimes are real, and so are the people who prosecute them.

Still need proof? Allow me to provide a few examples of our successful prosecutions.

Lady Bug, Lady Bug

Fly Away home

Your House is on fire

Your Children all gone

Well it didn't take long to catch the fire bug.

He was hovering nearby roasting marshmallows

Our ace forensics lab was able to detect trace accelerants (and marshmallows) leading to a successful prosecution.

Crime: Arson

Perpetrator: Pentatomidae aka Stink Bug

Sentence: Squashed (Don't try this at home. Eeeeeuuuuuuwww, the smell!)

Peter, Peter Pumpkin Eater

Had a Wife but couldn't keep her

He put her in a pumpkin shell

There he kept her pretty well

Crime: Kidnapping, False Imprisonment

Perpetrator: Pumpkin Eater, Peter

Sentence: Let's just say that Mr. Eater'll be enjoying his own personal "pumpkin shell" for a long time to come

Run, run, run as fast as you can

You can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Man

Apparently he couldn't outrun a car

It was a clear case of hit and run

Crime: Vehicular Homicide while under the influence of eggnog

Perpetrator: Mrs. Gingerbread Man

Sentence: Dunked in milk and eaten

Public Service Announcement

Please Don't Drink and Drive

DUI? Call 1-Get-Ota-Jail

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear

He's actually my first cousin on my mother's side.

You can see the family resemblance

Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair

Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't fuzzy was he?

It seems that Fuzzy had been going to see Dr. Do-Evil after answering and email ad for ....... well let's just say it had something to do with Mrs. Wuzzy.

Turns out one on the side effects was massive hair loss.

The malpractice suit was settled out of court for a substantial sum of money in exchange for criminal charges being dropped.

So Fuzzy contacted Dr. Do-Good (Do-Evils twin bear) to jointly develop a new hair tonic.

Fuzzy is currently the Spokes-bear for

Hair Restoration Tonic for Bears.

Here are the co-founders on vacation in Aruba following their successful IPO.

But I digress. I'm here today with a public plea.

You know the story

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall

It has taken countless bear-hours,

but our top forensic re-enactment team has finally been able to prove

Humpty Dumpty was PUSHED

But so far we're been unable to "crack" the case

That's why were asking for your help. The Humpty Dumpty Tip Line is now open. Leave a comment here with your tip as to the motive and perpetrator of this heinous crime. Crime Stoppers is offering a reward - the purchase of one of your photos for up to 3 credits - to the best solution (a photo or illustrated representation of the event will be given extra weight) leading to the capture and prosecution of the offender(s). Not a dreamstime member? Register for free. Follow the investigation on Twitter

Get involved - Give justice to the Dumpty Family

And remember kids - Don't do the CRIME if you can't do the RHYME

Your article must be written in English

Publish
September 21, 2012

Dan1

Happened on this too late. Could of been 'Old King cole" who was a merry old soul 9with a elly full of omlet.

May 16, 2012

Enigmacypher

I'm glad my lead was helpful. Let us know if more crimes need to be solved in the future.

May 13, 2012

Karenfoleyphotography

The crime has been solved, the perpetrator apprehended and the reward paid.

It was the valuable tip from @enigmacypher that pointed us in the right direction - the castle. While the King WAS involved in the cover-up, his alibi at the time was airtight (attending the royal ball with the queen).

However the witnesses were able to confirm the presence of another member of the court - our very own Dorian!!. It turns out Dorian was practicing magic tricks on the very wall that Humpty was sitting - and he accidentally backed into him - causing the previously documented fall. While Dorian has been cleared of any criminal involvement - it was certainly accidental - he has been banned forever from nursery rhymes. Rumor has it he is heading towards Fairy Tale Land - but that's for another time.

We were fortunate enough to track down a new court jester in the process of paying the Crime Stopper Reward.
   Lamb in the Box - Prepositional Phrases   
Meet...

May 11, 2012

Enigmacypher

Potential witnesses to interview:
 Humpty on wall 

It appears they were at the scene before it was a scene. Perhaps they saw something?

May 05, 2012

Peanutroaster

Dear Sergeant Clancy, Thank you for visiting our school today. We learned a lot about crime and rhyme and we'll be good and stay out of trouble. Thanks, Ms. Weatherbee's first grade class.

May 05, 2012

Karenfoleyphotography

Oh, very interesting @enigmacypher. I hadn't thought of all the KINGS horses and all the KINGS men .... a royal connection. Just involved in the cover up - or something more sinister??? Definitely warrants further investigation. Great tip!

May 04, 2012

Enigmacypher

This is an amusing read. Two comments:

1) Unrelated to the case at hand, but I found several images of yours that I added to my collection of Stuffed Animals Interacting with the World

2) A second crime may have been committed in the Humpty Dumpty case. "All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty together again." Who authorized horses to help in the reassembly process? At best this is pure negligence, but there may also be a malicious attempt to sabotage the case.

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Photo credits: Karen Foley.