Now posting a non-photography blog which I was gonna start anyway. I don't expect a credit for this if non-photography blogs are not given one, but I do expect that this will surely help some people if not all.
I am many often asked by people I counsel. How come I am so different?? Why am I so sensible?? Why couldn't someone else come up with the solution or idea I did?? Even putting this here might convince some people that I am bragging too much, I feel so at times too, but its not the intention. My answers to those question and today remains that I am no different, we all are than the earlier generation. I think human species is a thing that used to happen 30 years back. We have evolved, we are different but still carry with us the humans pros and cons just like humans carried with them something from the monkeys, the evolution goes on. What makes me APPEAR wiser is not my wisdom (its something I usually never let out with someone I counsel but yes friends can confirm I am wise), what makes it seem so different might be a fact that I learn from others experiences more and less of my own. 'Less of my own' doesn't imply that I am ignoring my experiences, but then I interact so much with people that there is hardly anything happening in my life that is a surprise, its like this was already expected right??? How was it expected.... similar things have happened before with some people... club them together analyze them well... try to mix n' match the characters and the situation to your own... EUREKA!! Everything is so predictable.... Everything!! but me!!
I never get tired knowing what people go through, and in case they haven't come just to talk but seek some advice then its more exciting for me. Exciting not because I was given importance, exciting because there is one more chance to apply a strategy that won't fail unless some other advice ponders with it. What does that mean? Simple. As always whenever I advice/counsel someone, regardless of whether its a practical solution or a spiritual healing, I always tell them not to be open to someone else's advice or healing at the same time. A normal reaction or judgment of people - EGO. No its not. I never tell anyone not to trust a certain person for advice. I believe that when a perfect solution is needed only one light should be followed, otherwise MAYA makes it worse. One of my high recommendations which again is judged as EGO is, "Try everyone and everything else and then come to me." This is obviously not to ensure that only I can solve a problem, it is just a security measure for myself to know that this person will follow my instructions properly after facing so many failure or just turn me down. There wont be something half done which results in a failure. Take this paragraph as the POINT 1 for the topic of todays blog.
Not just me, but many of us are always advising or counseling someone. As far as you are not charging a fee (I don't), I don't think there would be any intention of helping someone we care for, apart from EGO again. But when you are counseling as your duty or a worship towards your god like I do, there is no ego. You are doing a job. They payment comes after you die or maybe while you are alive, but by god. I act as an employee or a service provider and not as the manufacturer or owner. Yes there was a time especially in teenage years when I used to feel important or proud for doing this. But that is an age. An age where everyone is growing, maturing and coping up with the new aspects of life with over-confidence.
Point 2 : In those teen years I was often victimized as well as glorified. Both the things mostly used to happen for things I have never done. In those days my drawback was selfishness and attention seeking attitude. Both which had evolved due to my insecure childhood. The biggest mistakes of my life which I consider forgivable in those times was selfishness with anyone whom I considered my own or a stranger. An opportunist without ethics (Thats actually a way to huge success if it comes with a small baggage of gratitude). But looking back, I do consider that a reason for the existence of people who hate me today. That was something I did consciously, and analyzing later I realized that they had a reason to do so. Seeking attention all the time was also a problem. The unworthy glorification and allegations helped me more to do that. On one side, I was gathering so much of a collection of friends, acquaintances, power contacts (take it the GODFATHER WAY), and also people who got scared of me because of the unknown capability known to myself and them, which was considered at that time that I can JINX anyone. In all that mess, attention seeking and selfishness just added more fuel to the allegations and the glory side didn't diminish, but shone in a wrong way. Like, calling a water pistol as a pistol with plastic pellets, even if not a gun. Judging... till we do that without being asked by the victim himself/herself, will always make a wrong move for our own growth.
POINT 3 : In a bad phase, a panicky situation, people tend to become more emotional. Run helter skelter looking for a shelter... wow that rhymed...! But they don't understand that they approach anyone possible to solve their problem. They will go out to the best and to the worst. They will also go and pay all astrologers, palmists, psychics, and what not if they believe in all that, or otherwise end up with psychological counselors. Wow.. I was taken to one in my childhood when I used to talk about my visions at night, which where then considered as dreams. The psychologists analysis as usual - A sign of insecurity when a child dreams something like this. They think that its a hard and fast rule or a book with a set of rules which categorizes a person of certain age with the same syndrome. How can it be? These guys hardly keep up with the latest facts, using books and their younger studies which are a decade old now, they are diagnosing and judging a human mind and brain which is much more evolved!! Nevertheless, their medications do work because all they do is control the blood pressure or neural activity of the certain part of our brain. Surely enough, I believe that science helps a lot in simple things about life and very complicated things about man-made marvels.
POINT 4 : As mentioned in 3, we end up advising someone with nothing but a good intention of their well-being. Time passes by, and good times dawn the person whom we advised. With a good mood and no other worries to bother the poor tortured brain, there is a lot more activity to do. The most dangerous, discussion and analysis of the past with someone else. Tell but don't discuss unless its someone very close and there should be only 2-3 people this. You will understand the reason why in the next few lines.
Take for example here -
You advice a cousin on his/her problem. Worked well, time has passed and now the cousin is sitting with a uncle of yours who doesn't like you, but they both share a comfortable relation. Now finally this uncle whose advices have failed, or maybe he never cared to advice, tells this cousin that if you would have done this way instead of what was advised by him(you), things would have turned out much better. A normal tendency that we see around everyday in our life. But on a large scale it has a huge and very bad impact. The uncle as well as your cousin discuss the same thing and view with more people. Added up is a group of people who vouch for you or put you down. Over time, a new trouble brews up where there is hardly any feeling you have to dive in the new problem and help again after all the TRIAL you went through the last time. Though acquitted and your image is clean now, you do know the backbitching that goes about even now. You think do you still want to help? Afterall he's your cousin, someone you love and care for. But here is the place where we go wrong. We take for granted that the cousin who came to you for advice the last time will come to you again, but after what all has happened that fact has to be untrue. We still at times act stupidly and go ahead to do the good thing (mind it... only we consider it good).
POINT 5 : Eventually, with no need of your advices or even you being around, that relation has ended up just being a formality. The worst allegation that does come up in this case is when the cousin and the people around will say that, 'he/she(you) had some unseen plan of your own / wanted to get more importance in family or friends / and a lot more unimaginable reasons'. Some shameless person might even try to come and ask you trying to investigate, promising that it will remain a secret. Fortunately, all this has happened with me in those teenage years. The years when I met few best people in my life and a lot more worse. Now I meet people and get more of the best lot that the worst because of this understanding. We normally try to do advice or help with a good intention. That good intention comes out of love or care for a person.. an emotion.. .driven by heart. What the heart says is very important, but in cases where you are not really very close to the person (like the only 2-3 in your life like I mentioned above), you should always use the brain. A Sequel book of Godfather has a line - "The heart was just a bloody motor. The head was meant to drive".
Till I reached an understanding from the above experiences and many other of my own and others, it wasn't too late. I was just 22 by then. I had lost many good friends and bad as well. I feel fortunate for loosing them, not trying to be optimistic, but people who misunderstand and cannot bear along for a long time through your growth shouldn't be trusted. Maybe I gave them a reason to hate me, I am to blame, I take the blame. Though loosing any kind of person from life is a loss, I feel fortunate for those friends I lost for such reasons, they wouldn't have been of any use for anyone anyway. A further analysis always showed that they were the run-of-the-mill people who hardly did anything different in life. Their mindset would never come out of the material world they live in, a routine of 9 - 5, a party on weekend, etc. Hard Punches in my face, spiritual conscience, a good logic, a cold and speedy analysis of myself always kept me busy and helped me stay away from judging anyone else.
Whatever happens in our life is due to us, its our fault or virtue. We have no right to judge or advice anyone about anything unless they seek it. Even today I have seen the views of many people close to me where they considered my intentions as some part of a PLAN, a GAME, fortunately none of my friends are a part of those. These people are either my relatives or some acquaintances whose presence or absence in life doesn't bother me as much as when - My good intention is considered as a Game!
Photo credits: , Nikhil Gangavane.