Illustrated Jokes Blog

Another blog gave me this idea..

Everyone should post a funny joke and illustrate it with a photo from his/her portfolio.

CONDITIONS

1- Only 1 photo per poster.

2- Jokes have to be clean & inoffensive to others as I don't want this blog to be closed!

3- You can post more than once if you want to.

As this is my blog, I have the right to break my 1st rule!!! Here goes:

A mother mouse and a baby mouse are walking along, when all of a sudden, a cat attacks them. The mother mouse goes, "BARK!" and the cat runs away. "See?" says the mother mouse to her baby. "Now do you see why it's important to learn a foreign language?"

© Carbi

P.S.: To include a photo in your comment put its number in place of the * without any of the spaces [ img ] * [ /img ]

Photo credits: Batuque, Carbi, Eliane Haykal.

Your article must be written in English

Publish

Cglightning

Why are test tube babies the most beautiful ones?
Because they're hand made.

   Image not available or id is incorrect.   

Elianehaykal

The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range.
Three weeks later, a colony of ants walked up to him carrying the Bible on their backs.
The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes.
He took the precious book from the ants, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"
 Ant 
"Not really," said the ants. "Your name is written inside the cover."

Cglightning

 Image not available or id is incorrect. 
At the Cedar Rapids Chamber of Commerce
meeting the treasurer reported a deficit
of two hundred dollars. One of the
chamber members stood up and said,
“I vote that we donate half of it
to the Red Cross and then give the
other fifty dollars to the Salvation Army.”

Starblue

"When somebody of you will see James Bond, tell him, that right now he has got a big competitor! Women fall for me, all bad guyes shudder in fornt of me... "
 Funny dog 

Fleyeing

"I have some bad news for you. But first, could you settle the hospital bill now?"

 Worried Asian doctor portrait 

Tan510jomast

I'm late, but I was preparing dinner for all of you.
WELL, ...
DINNER IS SERVED !!! burn food cooking disaster 

Elianehaykal

Four Ants are moving through a forest. They see an elephant coming towards them.
Ant 1 says : we should kill him.
Ant 2 says : No, Let's just break his Leg.
Ant 3 says : No, we'll just throw him away from our path.
 Ants Guarding Nest 
Ant 4 says : No, we will leave him because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.

Jonvitalija

Is chicken soup good for your health ?

Not if you're the chicken !
 Chicken boxing in a suit isolated 

Elianehaykal

Why was the ant lying on the floor with his hands and his legs up in the air?
She wanted to trip the elephant.
 Elephant and ant 
Why was the elephant lying on the floor with his hands and his legs up in the air?
He had tripped over the ant.

Mani33

I really don't know how to start it :))
Go ahead Eliane ladies first ;)

Elianehaykal

Let's do it - only the best though. You start :D

Mani33

Here they are face to face! Shall we?! :P

 Elephant calf  Ant 

Georgeskyrillos

Here's another animal joke:

"What did the sardine call the submarine?
A can of people!"

 Image not available or id is incorrect. 

Elianehaykal

A man is in court for murder and the judge says "You are charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer."
A voice at the back of the court says, "You #$*%$^@"
The judge continues, "You're also charged with beating your daughter to death with a hammer."
Again the voice at the back of the court says, "You #$*%$^@"
The judge says, "We cannot have any more of these outbursts or else you will be charged with contempt, now what's your problem?'
 Hammer So the man at the back replies, "15 years I lived nextdoor to that #$*%$^@ and everytime I asked to borrow a hammer he said he never had one!"

Elianehaykal

Is it safe to make this conclusion: all animals jokes are clean, others not so much?!!!
Keep'em coming :D

Gmargittai

A horse enters a bar. He orders Coke. The bartender asks: Would you like a straw? And the horse says: Yes Lots of it.

 Thirsty Horse 

Rennaesp

 Image not available or id is incorrect. 
The farmer had been taken so many times by the local car dealer that when the dealer wanted to buy a cow, the farmer priced it to him like this:
Basic cow, $200; two-tone exterior, $45; extra stomach $75; product storage compartment, $60;
dispensing device, four spigots at $10 each, $40;
genuine cowhide upholstery, $125; dual horns, $15; automatic fly swatter, $35. Total = $595.

Digitalg

 Goat 
A couple of goats were going through a lot of garbage in the backyard of an old cinema. One of them found a movie can, opened it and ate the film.
- Did you like that movie? - asked the other goat.
- huuummm, not bad, but the book was much better!

have a great day :)

Mani33

OK here is a naughty one :))
 WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE 

Grandpa was telling his grand sons: "once I was in the jungle & a tiger wanted to attack me!
So I cut his left leg & left it on my left shoulder, he had to run away with three! I kept walking till a lion wanted to attack me so I took my knife & cut his right leg & left it on my right shoulder, he had to run away with three...
"
Grandpa phone rang so after 10 minutes away he came back to his grand children asking "Where were we?"
They said "You were with a leg on your left shoulder & another on your right shoulder!" And he said: "Yeah that was my hottest night ever with your grandma!"

Conceptualcreations

Eliane, very cute jokes! Sorry I can't think of any off hand.

Elianehaykal

Come on, nobody wants to contribute?

Here's another one I like:
2 cockroaches were munching on garbage in an alley when one starts telling the other about a new restaurant.
"I was in that new restaurant across the street," he said."It's so clean! The kitchen is spotless, & the floors are gleaming white. There is no dirt anywhere--it's so clean that the whole place shines."
"Pleeeeaaase," said the other roach frowning. "Not while I'm eating!"
 Cockroach 

snappylens

Very funny jokes, Thanks!!

Georgeskyrillos

 Black Water Horse 
A blonde bought 2 horses, & could never remember which was which.
A neighbor suggested that she cut the tail of one horse & that worked great until the other horse got his tail caught in a bush. It tore just right & looked exactly like the other horse's tail & our friend was stuck again.
The neighbor suggested she notch the ear off one horse. That worked fine until the other horse caught his ear on a barbed wire fence. Once again our friend couldn't tell them apart.
The neighbor suggested she measure the horses for height. When she did, she was very pleased to find that the white horse was 2 inches taller than the black one.

Cleaper

Joke is a bit long sorry! Fun blog idea :)

Cleaper


   Tigers   
There was this tiger who woke up one morning and just felt great. He just felt so good, he went out and cornered a small monkey and roared at him: "WHO IS THE MIGHTIEST OF ALL THE JUNGLE ANIMALS?"
This poor quaking little monkey replied: "You are of course, no one is mightier than you."

A little while later this tiger confronts a deer, and just bellows out: "WHO IS THE GREATEST AND STRONGEST OF ALL THE JUNGLE ANIMALS?" The deer is shaking so hard it can barely speak, but manages to stammer: "Oh great tiger, you are by far the mightiest animal in the jungle."

The tiger, being on a roll, swaggered, up to an elephant that was quietly munching on some weeds, and roared at the top of his voice: "WHO IS THE MIGHTIEST OF ALL THE ANIMALS IN THE JUNGLE?"

Well, this elephant grabs the tiger with his trunk, picks him up, slams him down; picks him up again, and shakes him until the tiger is just a blur of orange and black, and finally throws him violently into a nearby tree.

The tiger staggers to his feet and looks at the elephant and says: "Man, just because you don't know the answer, you don't have to get so mad."

smartview27

funny!

Mani33

LOL that is nice & a great idea, I'll try one as soon as I remember one :))

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