I am writing this blog because I am very nostalgic since a week. I had lost a friend some years back over an issue that might be bothering so many of us today. Most of the old-timers of my site will think that I gave importance to this blog for some past reasons, but its not true. I think this story of my friend is something that will apply to anyone and in any important relation. The story is about John and Kanchan (names changed to maintain privacy).
A lot before I understood love, I had this friend John. He was a very nice guy not very good looking but not bad looking either. Someone everyone would love but would not dare to be like. John was very much in love with Kanchan, a mutual love, never one way. It was like a made-for-each other situation where they met, fell in love and were happy... not for long. Due to religion difference (apparently kanchan was muslim), things went haywire to the point where kanchan was forced to marry someone else by her family. I never talked to her much though I used to meet her quite often. Don't know why though, never felt the need to develop even a good friendship with her, there was nothing to dislike about her... but still. The way things proceeded, it seemed like a tragic movie, and it did end up to be. John always used to talk about real love, unconditional love, he lived that and that is why it was easy to believe what he told. 2 weeks after her marriage kanchan committed suicide. She hung herself to a ceiling fan without a letter, no notes left behind.
As expected John's life came crashing down. The death really separated them worse than the marriage did. He was a believer of pastlife, afterdeath experiences and similar things. So still he used to believe and feel her with him. John was eventually married to another girl. The marriage was forced as well because John had decided not to marry. He knew he was already married to Kanchan, in lastlife and present. Maybe not a marriage for the society. John explained the situation to this lady he was going to get married now. She accepted him without a problem. She didn't believe much in past-life stuff or spiritual existance as much as he did. It was no big deal for her to accept him the way, with his love for kanchan... who did not exist for her. She was happy having John to herself with all the attachments that came alone as a package.
Since John was a person true to his heart and especially to people around him. He never lied to his family or his wife. She seemed to be happy with him, his friends & his family, till the time a villian entered. Her close friend was quite bewildered looking at the comfort between John and his wife. She couldn't understand how was her friend comfortable about her husband talking about Kanchan so many times. Maybe she understood or believed in the supernatural things that he did. But always in life, as history proves, one cunning person but negligible daasi like Manthara without whom the whole Ramayana cannot happen. Same happened here. Suddenly John's wife started getting uncomfortable about John's happiness with the thoughts of Kanchan, though she didn't believe about Kanchan's spiritual existance & she started thinking more about it day and night. As time passed, she started denouncing John's belief in such things as an alibi to keep Kanchan alive in his heart.
John, a person who was true to his wife and everyone he talked, to started curbing. Maybe dying inside. He stopped talking about Kanchan not just to his wife, but also with anyone else. Maybe he just talked to Kanchan in her spiritual form, the angels or the Gods he related to. Getting far away from his physical existance and the material world around him, he started falling upon himself with the huge pressure of the world he lived in, forcing his beliefs within himself. Like a star dying, which dies under its own mass and creating a new galaxy and a blackhole... some new world was about to be created with an ability to destroy it to. Kanchan was the air he breathed, everything that he needed to think about as a spirit, everything that gave his soul a direction. Without any interaction about his feelings with no one around he was suffocating in a world where everyone thought that he is at his best form. No one really knew and understood apart from few people, that the absence of Kanchan's topic in John's conversation was not a welcome sign for his new-gone-old marriage, but a very dangerous warning about a the time-bomb waiting to explode.
Life went on routine. He made his friends laugh and cry. In his usual way told serious things in the form of jokes that made everyone laugh and wonder at the same moment - What did he really mean? When he talked something very serious, about planning his life not caring about other people, it was too far beyond the imagination of his friends, who thought he has changed, who though that without Kanchan he lost his ability to be nice. He had become like everyone else. Earning money, planning future... making it secure. On one fine morning, he failed to respond to the wakeup calls of his wife, who had initially ignored this fact since she thought he was trying to avoid talking to her. It dawned to her and the family hours later by afternoon that he had slept last night... never to wake up. The news spread like wildfire. Some close friends weren't shocked. I was one of them. John used to call me everyday and talked atleast for 2 minutes. He used to say that hearing my voice made him feel better. All of us who were his close friends realised that the time-bomb was exploded. No one till date knows the reason of his death. It neither could be ruled out as a suicide nor could it be confirmed as a natural death. I called it - "The death of love, faith, beliefs......"
What went wrong in the entire story was that single friend who made his wife uncomfortable and ruin the whole love, faith and belief John had for her. Even today, if I ever come across that friend of hers, I won't slap her. But I will slap his wife no matter how many times she confronts me. She was a failure of John's comfort, a failure to her own commitment and a failure to a beautiful life called John. The very few friends of mine who know about my friendship with John might be remembering him only as that friend of mine who died in sleep. No one ever cared to analyze the story behind the whole game. I still feel John around and I hope John is around everyone when he tells not change in life, never your beliefs... no matter what happens. A life might be a small game in a lot of games we play in multiple lives, but our progress as a soul is very much dependent upon what we do about our beliefs when we live, more than what we can do after we are dead.
I request everyone not to make obvious connections from this story and do not even try to guess who was John. People who know him - just know him.. and people who don't can just forget this story remembering the moral.
I think it would have been better for John to stay limited to his friends while talking about Kanchan. He could have just avoided telling the whole story to his wife or if he wanted her to know his past, he could have avoided the conversations that followed later. The spirit of bad luck doesn't come with a specified time. It strikes with an opportunity. Our fate shows that point of strike where our suffering starts, but the actual strike never happens when our astrological chart or fate lines tell but much more before that. The bad-luck strikes like a predator just lurking around watching its prey, hitting at the right time, that right time which is not the bad time in our fate but good time in the fate of our enemies. Not talking about Kanchan to his wife wouldn't have been lies as well, because that lies existed in the spiritual world, far beyond the perception of his wife. In real life, the truth was that Kanchan was dead. John was married to some other woman but was always a loving and caring husband. All was beautifully set and done from his side. Eventually, what his wife thought of the Kanchan bug whom she was tactically trying to fumigate out of his system, infact, fumigated her own husband from her life and from the lives of so many people he knew.
There would be many more John's around who might get to read this and then might not. Maybe it can be the other-way round for some. Please dont change your faith, your beliefs.... especially when they have something to do with past-life experiences. Keep praying to the God you believe in and keep believing even if others dont. Don't wait for the next life to make things happen your way. What we strive for, might not happen the way we want it to, but it happens and will always happen in a certain way if you are patient and true to all your love and care about.
While ending this blog, I won't say - "May John's soul rest in peace". I know it won't.... it won't till he meets Kanchan again, in real life! If he is still around, it means he still hasn't found her.
Photo credits: Nikhil Gangavane.